


Hinata has anxiety

by mimi17377m



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, How Do I Tag, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Insomnia, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Out of Character, Panic Attacks, Rating May Change, Tags May Change
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-26
Updated: 2020-05-26
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:41:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,091
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24389092
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mimi17377m/pseuds/mimi17377m
Summary: #HIATUS LMAO SORRY#I want to rewrite this just dont have the time rnHinata is normally very energetic and everyone could see it, from his vigorous training to even his peppy personality it's always been the norm ever since he first joined the volleyball club. He could be bouncing around all day and you still wouldn't be able to see him tired, it's his way of using up his seemingly endless energy, by jumping around and practicing. He can't help it though, his mind is often racing with thoughts he couldn't control and it doesn't help that he's so tireless.Lately though something has been wrong with him, often times lying awake in bed and with no trace of sleep. He doesn't seem to have as much energy before and is beginning to be more lethargic, reacting slowly to questions asked and not being able to concentrate on anything beyond his immediate proximity, practise and a certain someone doesn't seem to make it better though
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou & Kageyama Tobio, Hinata Shouyou & Karasuno Volleyball Club, Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio
Comments: 6
Kudos: 60





	Hinata has anxiety

**Author's Note:**

> Pls call me for now  
> Ahh ok so this is my first fanfiction i ever wrote, and basically what the title says  
> English is not my first language  
> I'm not sure what I'm doing but i hope to be able to finish this story although uodtes might be slow at first!  
> Any criticism is appreciated pls be gentle ahhh  
> I'll be including any necessary waring at the start of the chapters so as not to accidentally trigger someone!  
> I'll also update the tags as i update the story so be mindful of that, i already put out some potentially triggering stuff in there so as not to scare people in the middle of reading i also dont know how long this journey will be so bear with me :)?

Hinata is normally very energetic and everyone could see it, from his vigorous training to even his peppy personality it's always been the norm ever since he first joined the volleyball club. He could be bouncing around all day and you still wouldn't be able to see him tired, it's his way of using up his seemingly endless energy, by jumping around and practicing til he's forced to go home either by Daichi or Kageyama himself getting tired of extra practise. He can't help it though, his mind is often racing with thoughts he couldn't control and it doesn't help that he's so tireless.

Lately something has been wrong with him, he doesn't seem to have as much energy before and is beginning to be more lethargic, reacting slowly to questions asked and not being able to concentrate on anything beyond his immediate proximity it's as if he's stuck in his head. Even Tsukishima, usually always at the ready with a snarky remark, seems to notice and shuts up, surprised and maybe slightly concerned by Hinatas behaviour himself but doesn't bring it up.

The rest of the team however doesn't seem to have taken note of this yet or choose not to acknowledge his recent behavior, thinking that he's just in a small rut that he can get out himself and or just being himself, nothing unusual for him to be acting like that and taking his time. Although they couldn't be further from the truth and Hinata doesn't plan on changing their minds, fearing that maybe they would bench him out of concern until his timely death.

But it's very hard and exhausting on his person, he starts avoiding his team mates every chance he gets outside of volleyball practise, especially Kageyama, as he doesn't want to worry the setter and alarm him to his worsening condition. His jumps still have the spirit as the one from before and still trains with the setter, so as not to raise too much suspicion. Each day he comes home more tired than the last and wishing for the sweet release of sleep.

After a particular grueling and long training session with Kageyama, the ride with his bike seems to be taking forever and longer than what he is used to even though he knows it's still the same route and he comes home in all the same time.

Sluggishly he steps inside his home after putting his bike into the garage. It's late and his mom and sister were nowhere to be seen 'they are probably asleep' he thinks, and tries to be more quiet moving on. Turning on the light and peaking into the kitchen to see if there are any leftovers, he quickly scans the area and his eyes fall upon a bowl of Tamago Kake Gohan and a sticky note on the counter. The note read 'you need to be big and strong so eat up. - Mom'. Bless his mom for remembering that he had really late practices today and making his favorite food.

Not long after he sat down and warmed up his food in the microwave he says a quick thanks and scarfs the meal down as fast as he could and washes his plate immediately after. He then finally trots his way up the stairs. But before he can pass out on his bed he's so desperately craving right now he reminds himself that he still needs to finish his homework lest he wants to experience the wrath of his teachers the next day. With his mind exhausted and not able to make any discerning thoughts, always slipping into a mindless state of thinking, he still somehow manages to work out the problems on his math homework sheet.

Not wanting to ponder much longer over whether his answers could be wrong he settles properly in his chair again. He quickly checked the time 23:45 (11:45 pm) the clock read 'Huh maybe i can still fall asleep'. With his other homework done and him still sweaty from afternoon or better said evening practise, he decides to take a quick and hot shower hoping that it will in some way or another relax his body for his new night routine he so detests.

Entering the bathroom and stripping and waiting for the water to turn warm he busies himself with brushing his hair out 'always so tangled ugh, why does everybody always have to touch my hair'. While Hinata prides himself for the shampoo and conditioner he uses it really shouldn't be a surprise that everyone is always ruffling and touching his hair. The only downside is only that it gets really matted after a day of ruffling and practise and it always hurts trying to brush it out before he showers, so he decides against it tests to see how warm the water has gotten.

Steering himself under the stream his shoulder start to loosen up and he can feel the grime and sweat wash away. Applying his shampoo before he can get any more drowsy than he already is and washing vigorously, he had almost forgotten the tangles and sighs, because he accidentally trapped his fingers in the matted mess and tries to pry them slowly away before he can hurt himself anymore.

Before he can contemplate if it's worth to still untangle his hair he hastily grabs his hair brush from the sink beside the shower and steps under the stream again and puts his brush onto the metal tray inside the shower. He washes his shampoo away and promptly puts his conditioner in, leaving it in for a bit and just scrubbing the rest of his body his mind starts to wonder before he can stop himself 'Will anyone even notice this? Maybe Noya-senpai will or maybe even Kageyama…'.

His thoughts spiraling down a dangerous path, he quickly brushes through his hair to distract himself and start the process of detangling the knots. Relieved that the knots from earlier come undone rather easily. While it's true that everyone appears to love carding their fingers through his hair no one has ever said anything about it, but he still continues to do his routine only because he also enjoys everyone's touches on his scalp, it's almost like a massage after a very tiring day.

With his hair and body clean he pats himself down with a towel, wraps it around his body and tip toes to his room, trying to desperately be quiet and not wake his mother and sister up and changes into his pyjamas.

After that his mind was wide awake again with a thousand thoughts running through his mind and he realized his plan has backfired massively. He really wished he could just fall into a coma right about now.

For you see Hinata has a reason as to why he's been tired these past few days. It all started out with only a few thoughts.

'you are not good enough'

'they only tolerate you because they pity you'

'you have wasted the last 3 years'

'he doesn't like you'

He isn't a stranger to these thoughts, being used to them he dismisses them himself since they surely can't be true… 'right?' he always thought. While it started out small it seemingly progressed to even worse thoughts and his self-doubt growing even more, making him restless and loose precious sleep which he needs to recover his own body because of his vigorous training and whether or not these statements hold some truth to them, resulting in him having trouble falling asleep well into the night.

This train of thought always comes when he tries to sleep at first not much sleep has been lost, but he always indulges in these thoughts even though he knows he shouldn't, 'maybe i am such a bad player' or 'i really don't deserve to be on the team' he tries to dismiss this rather quickly but can't help himself and wonders what if his team mates actually did think so little of him and pitied him to such an extent that he can actually play on the court.

'They wouldn't, would they?' mulling over this he considers that 'No no if they had a problem with me on the court they could just say so' he knows he still isn't the best but he honestly can't imagine suga the ever so sweet and also brutal with words, mom friend to lie to him like that or even Daichi, qs he is the team's captain. Still, he doubts himself surely anyone would tell him, he desperately clings onto that thought.

Long after dwelling on his thoughts longer than he probably should have he still can't manage to fall asleep. Sneaking a quick glance at his digital alarm clock told him that it was 3:34 (3:34 am), 'great' using this small distraction though he finally feels himself getting more tired. While lying in his bed on the verge of falling asleep, with shut eyes and a comfortable lying position,before he can knock himself out though, he hears birds chirping outside his window.

With that realisation he immediately turns to his clock with a deadpan look and manages to stifle his groan of despair as the clock now read 5:30 (5:30 am) 'GREAT'. He needed to get up soon or else he'll miss morning practise, deciding whether it would be a good idea to just sleep in and rather uncomfortably face everyone's questioning stare or be tired he went with the latter.

Lingering in his bed for a few more minutes he could hear his mom downstairs making breakfast and without further ado jumped or more or less rolled out of bed, stared at his ceiling before getting up and changing into his school uniform and brushing his teeth. Sprinting downstairs he greets his mother and sister already at the dining table and plops down unceremoniously onto his seat and slouches.

He wished that maybe tonight would be different and that he would just pass out the moment his head hit his bed. At the sight of the food on the table his hunger takes control over his body before his tiredness can catch up to him and starts to eat messily after muttering a quick thanks for the food.

"Shouyou when did you come home last night, where you training with kageyama again?" his mother asks him sweetly. Having already stuffed himself full of the mouth watering food in front of him he decides against answering verbally or lest he awaits a lecture about the importance of not talking with a full mouth and just nodded.

At the mention of Kageyama Natsu quips up with "THE KING, THE KING OF THE COURT". "Natsu we don't scream at the table!" retorted his mother before Natsu's excitement could reach another level, shouyou can't blame her though, Kageyama is a great player, he hopes to be just as good as him one day. But first he needed to improve. While he was eating his mind only could come up with one thought though 'I am so so tired'.

Finishing his meal faster than he anticipated and thanking God for him not face planting onto the table, he stuffed his bag with all his necessary note- and schoolbooks for the day and slowly made his way to the garage. It would be a lie to say that Hinata didn't dread riding his bike with how tired he'd felt. Considering that he still had school and morning practise made him hop onto his bike without much thought and set of to school.

The ride was the most exhausting he has ever experienced. Passing familiar buildings and pretty landscapes he always saw on his way to school almost made him want to stop and admire everything more than normally, his eyes scanning the familiar area in his immediate vicinity he spots the old bench he always passes, maybe it will help cool of his mind a bit he argues with himself, although he knew that if he went and sat on the bench to appreciate the view right now he'd probably pass out right then and there.

With his decision made up he pedaled up the hill more and more to further distract himself and also not get too distracted.

Arriving at school made him almost wish he could've just stayed at home, his thoughts still racing with no hope of them stopping in the near future he locked his bike into the stand right next to school. And calmly tried to make his way to the club. Life had other priorities though while walking and thinking that he surprisingly made it even earlier than Kageyama himself, he spotted him and vice versa.

They both stared at the other not moving until the setter started sprinting to the clubroom and with hinata still exhausted as ever needed a minute to catch on what was happening. 'No I'm not gonna let him win' forgetting about his tiredness for now he ran as fast as he could and passed Kageyama to his own surprise. He made it as the first one to the club room and before he could turn around to smear it into the setters face the rush of adrenalin vanished and a wave of dizziness startled him and he flailed his arms until they grasped on to the wall next to him and steadied himself.

"Hinata are you okay?" 'shit' Kageyama noticed, straightening up himself and not allowing to let the other boy think differently he told him with a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes "Yeah, yeah of course I'm fine", he tried to sound reassuring, to whom he had no idea, maybe even himself? He knew he wasn't really deceiving anyone. The other boy seemed nervous and hesitated before saying next "are you sure?".

"..." Shouyou was dumbfounded and frankly a little bit happy, he thought that Kageyama wouldn't care about him this much, 'he only asks to know if I'm still worthy to be tossed to' is all he can think of. His smile slowly dissipating, wringing his hands nervously, a new habit, his grin very quickly being put on again, he reassures the other boy again that yes he was fine, the best he could feel. Noticing that the other boy was staring at him and hesitating to answer back again Hinata grabbed his hand and pulled him inside the clubroom to change before he could get any more suspicious "come on", he said "or else we are gonna grow roots just standing there!"

Hinata thought that if he hadn't taken action until now that the setter really would be on to his case. He really doesn't want to worry anyone, he knee this phase would be gone as quickly as he it came. Without further ado both boys changed, with Kageyama gazing at the other boy secretly, while also not being so subtle. With Hinata now blushing and feeling slightly warm because of that he made his way outside and accidentally slammed the club room door before Kageyama could say anything about it.

He was scared to think what was gonna happen, surely Kageyama wasn't staring but merely just looking into his direction, but oh how he really wished that wasn't the case. Wis his mind now having another thoughts to worry about and his blush worsening he decides to grip the railing next to him and take steadying breaths until his mind stopped spinning and he had a clear head. But with him thinking more clearly than beforehand he realized again just how tired he was, taking another breath to clear his thoughts again he noticed that kageyama was standing next to him and very closely so.

"... nata… HINATA"

He almost leapt from the railing in his haste to get some distance between him and kageyama. Seemingly startling the other boy too who simply asks "are you really okay Hinata? You were spacing out for a while" with a worrying look, that looked more or less like he was constipated and his hands reaching out as if to stop Hinata from jumping down.

He quickly realised that amidst his panicking and swindling thoughts he hadn't noticed the door opening and closing and Kageyama stepping closer to him and saying his name, "YES,.. I uh mean y-yes of course everything is fine, just peachy" with a nervous giggle he glances down at his feet quickly before glancing at Kageyamas face again.

Him now having a more calm look on his face he tries to make sure that Hinata really was okay and stepping a foot back so as to give the small spiker some space, he replied in a monotone voice. "ok if you say so, common let's practise" turning around very quickly he made his way down the stairs only stopping and looking back to see the spiker still hadn't moved. And Hinata realised that too, squeaking a bit and quickly making his way next to the setter with a little bounce in his step and trying to hide a big grin and blush spreading on his face.

To be completely truthful, while yes Hinata was tired and not exactly as responsive as he should appear to be he had also fantasized what Kageyamas strong and big arms could do to him, mind you not in a sexual way but more like a couple way, like holding hands or warm cuddles in front of the tv. His thoughts only stopped after he noticed the setter a considerable amount of steps ahead and staring at him with that constipated again.

He wished the ground could just swallow him up whole, after putting his embarrassment aside he entered the gym with the setter in tow and started with his warm ups and Hinata still trying to get his mind off of his previous thoughts, scared that he might zone out again or even dizzy. Him feeling slightly warm unnerved him a bit but he brushed it off to his blushing earlier and continued on.

This Friday morning started out as normal as he could make it to be, even with the slight hiccup and him being tired as hell, him changed into his uniform and standing next to Kageyama doing warm ups and stretches and waiting for the other members to arrive was the most normal thing he could do right now. But oh, he hadn't thought about how this already miserable morning could only go from bad to possibly even worse.

**Author's Note:**

> Any criticism? Please leave some comments too if there is anything you wanna discuss with me I'm always happy to reply :)


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